Saturday, July 18, 2009

The Spray Tan Nightmare

I mentioned in a previous post that I would blog about my spray tan experience at some point so here it goes. I will try to be very descriptive with the story because it was priceless. I've used different kinds of tanning creams during my pregnancy just to add some color to my lovely huge body, but for a special occasion (my sister's graduation haha) I decided a spray tan was necessary. Of course I had just worked the night shift-12 hours, no sleep- so I was a bit out of it and tired when I went to the tanning salon. The lady at the counter kind of gave me a look like 'what is this pregnant lady thinking coming to tan?' I quickly informed her that I was interested in getting a spray tan. With relief, she looked at me and said, "Oh. Have you ever had a spray tan? If not, then you need to watch a video first." Seriously. This was going to be more complicated than I thought. I sat there yawning while I watched this video & I tried to focus on all of the instructions. After the completion of the video the tanning clerk asked, "So you think you're ready?" I laughed a little and joked about the Friends episode where Ross gets a spray tan & forgets to turn around so he gets all tan on the front.... and the girl informs me that some idiot had made that mistake the day before. She had no idea how the client had managed to not turn around because the tanning booth speaks instructions to you during the tanning process. There would be a voice that would tell me to turn around so I had nothing to worry about.
So I get in the room with the booth & look around at this bonnet & this lotion stuff they had mentioned in the video. Hmmm... now was I suppose to put the bonnet over my ears? No, that would leave a weird line on my face. Then I looked at the lotion. The girl specifically said that I needed to really apply a good amount of lotion over my heels of my feet & ankles because that's where people usually get orange. Oh, and they had a lovely full sized mirror on the wall so I got to admire my hugeness. (Remember I was almost 38 weeks pregnant during this experience).
Ok. Here goes nothing. I put my hand over the sensor by the door of the tanning booth & a husky woman's voice chimes in saying, "Welcome to Mystic Tan.... Please step inside the booth & face the wall with the sprays..." alright, obviously not exactly what was said, but I know I laughed a little by the voice. I stood in position with my arms held away from my body, fingers spread because we don't need any crazy "spray" lines. I held my breath & closed my eyes. Nothing. After maintaining the position for about a minute, I opened them and realized the door was still open. Silly me, I had forgotten to push the sensor to START the tan. So I took position again & OH MY! This extreme cold spray starts shooting at me. I'm like, do I hold my breath? I can't possibly hold it for too long or I might die.... but was it ok to inhale this fumes? Yuck. Gross... it was hard to breathe, why had I thought this was a good idea?! Then I hear this muffled sound & I'm thinking 'Oh gosh, am I suppose to turn around? Was that what the lady said???..... I turned around THANK GOODNESS. And it sprayed me again. Finally the spraying stopped & the door opened & I was free of this cloud of spray haze. I got out & wiped myself off with a towel (I know, the whole process is very strange, why wipe off your tan?) And when I left the salon the clerk said, "How'd it go?" Ha, if she only knew.
I learned a lot that day. As I was getting ready for my sister's graduation that evening, I realized my hands were a dark dirty orange color. They looked rusted. Oh my, how did this happen?! I missed a very crucial part of the spray tan training video! When I turned around I was suppose to hide my palms in front of my body so they didn't get sprayed. I was so overwhelmed by worrying about turning at the right time that I completely forgot about my palms. It was hideous. My mother just kept saying, "Oh Emily, Why did you think it was a good idea to get a spray tan? Look at those hands! I hope you don't go into labor with that stuff still on your hands... they will think you are dirty!" I clearly failed at getting a spray tan. And notice the picture above! That lady is hysterical.... I definitely did not look that calm when I was getting sprayed that's for sure.

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